Giant woolly mammoth ‘not happy’ about attempts to bring it back from extinction

The Woolly Mammoth (Mammuthus Primigenius) has complained about current scientific efforts to revive the species, claiming it went extinct ‘for good reasons’. Russian and Korean efforts to breed mammoths based on partial DNA samples salvaged from dead specimens found in the Siberian permafrost, have recently made headlines. But the new statements by the large furry animal in question have led researchers to put these efforts on hold.

“First of all, it’s much too warm now” a representative of the species has stated. “We used to spend our days on wide open barren taiga at temperatures below 20 Fahrenheit. Such circumstances are now rare in the Western hemisphere”. In addition, the political conditions are ‘not suitable’ the animal says. “Russian politics are a mess. Living under dictatorial circumstances does not suit mammoths at all. Instead, we much prefer the anarchosyndicalistic structure that was prevalent among hunter-gatherers.”

In contrast, another extinct animal, the thylacine, would be happy to be brought back to life. It has complained about the amount of attention going to mammoths and was overheard complaining about the fact that “people keep looking at this black and white video of us, instead of actually doing any useful genetic work.”

Animal rights activists have urged for the implementation of informed consent procedures for reviving extinct species. It is hoped that the improved oversight will also help the plight of species currently trying to go extinct, including as the Javan rhinoceros and the Himalayan sea cucumber. Instead of stubbornly keeping alive the last specimens of their kind proponents say, scientist should focus on “respectfully guiding the process of extinction.”

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